It's hard to explain myself why I'm doing this. I keep trying because I am used to having reasons for my actions. I've come so far without leaving a gap in this chain of reasoning only to realize that it doesn't really matter. At least not as much as I thought it would. It's okay to do things and then see how they unfold. In any case, I must have been doing this without knowing. It couldn't be possible otherwise. At least once, I must have wrongly convinced myself that the course of my life is purely the result of my actions. Where I am now, at this current state, my senses are deteriorating. That's what happens when you focus on one thing too long. Your peripheral vision weakens. You start ignoring things that are not directly in front of you. That's what purpose and reason does. You think you know ...Read More

There is a separation. There are two separate reasons/effects of my behavior. One is being out there. The other is not being here. Being out there is OK; at least understandable. Exciting, new etc... It's also normal. The other one is not as easy. I had a bad day today. I've been through these thoughts many times. It always comes down to this; I don't have a story. I did not write my story. I've purposely, always stayed away from my own story. When I had to write something, I kept myself out of it. I never allowed myself to become the subject. Collecting is story-making. I refrained from that too. I threw everything away. Books, photographs, paintings, texts, even people. I felt like; when I threw it all away, what remained was me, myself... When I look behind, all the decisions I've made in the past seem very economical. They are ...Read More

After watching another mind boggling documentary depicting the scale of universe, I decided that it's ridiculous to debate on the existence of other life forms. The sheer amount of the physical space and the phenomena within it is so large that it makes more sense to try to evaluate if the flying elephants are outnumbered by the self-conscious orchids. Simply put, my ability to come up with any kind of nonsensical beings, living or not, is maybe a minute fraction of the variety already available out there. For exactly the same reason, getting excited with the idea is a pathetic thing to do. This is definitely not about us. What is an excited human in comparison to a smoking fish? Instead, we should all read Douglas Adams and laugh at our own insignificance... Read More

I'm starting to dislike this acronym. Round The World. Because that's not what I'll be doing. I'm going to ride my bike. I'll move westward because I don't want to face the sun. I'll probably do it for such a long time that it won't be economical to turn around. The world is round. I just want to ride it. Hereon, RTW stands for "Ride The World"... Read More

Everything is moving. But it's not all the same kind of movement. We seem to move in a different way than most of the things around us. When we move, it's mostly for a purpose. We seem to know what we're doing. Reaching for things, looking forward for a destination... We even attribute the same purposefulness to the movements we see in nature. Animals chasing each other, plants following the daily movement of sun, seasonal migrations of large herds linked to the orbital rotation of earth around the sun... The first known movement based on a developed muscular and nervous system in the history of nature is that of the sea anemones reaching for miniature free floating organisms around them. When the anemones lost their stalks through evolution, they became the jellyfish. By the time jellyfish were roaming the seas, there were no other swimming creatures around. Nothing to chase, or ...Read More