It’s hard to explain myself why I’m doing this. I keep trying because I am used to having reasons for my actions. I’ve come so far without leaving a gap in this chain of reasoning only to realize that it doesn’t really matter. At least not as much as I thought it would. It’s okay to do things and then see how they unfold. In any case, I must have been doing this without knowing. It couldn’t be possible otherwise. At least once, I must have wrongly convinced myself that the course of my life is purely the result of my actions.
Where I am now, at this current state, my senses are deteriorating. That’s what happens when you focus on one thing too long. Your peripheral vision weakens. You start ignoring things that are not directly in front of you. That’s what purpose and reason does. You think you know what’s important, meaningful, and miss the things that come to you, the suggestions life makes. Life does make suggestions. They are random but not entirely chaotic. Sometimes there is a sense behind it. As if it knows you better than you do yourself. And you just need to know that your metabolism is able to receive whatever comes from it. You are made of it and evolved with it. You are, in the end, just a receptacle for life.
I might as well sit here and try to open my eyes. It must be possible. But it’s not happening. Somehow, without really intending to do so, I must have trapped myself. What I’ve built so far, appears to be missing an ingredient. There is no room for chance, for random encounters. I need a detour. I miss it too much.
There is still a problem. How does one detour? Do you keep moving until something drives you out of your route? I’m going around the world. Is the world going in some direction? Will there be a collision? Should I be looking forward to it? Is it a collision if you are looking forward to it? What if nothing hits me? What if I end up where I started? Can I end up where I started? What if the world, my world is really round?
My movement is going to face some resistance. Based on the direction and force of this resistance, I may be forced to change course, pause or even stop. But the problem is not the resistance. It’s what I do with it. So far I know only one thing; I need to approach. I need to enter and see what happens then.
